This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
