I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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