you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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