saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
