you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
