I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
