you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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