bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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