If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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