well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
