Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
