I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
