I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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