Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So many bounce houses so little time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
