he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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