Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
