dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
