I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
