the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
