Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
