Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize