i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
