happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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