smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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