i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
