its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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