dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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