I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
