You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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