So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
