im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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