dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
