Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
