im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
