i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
