Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
