my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You ate ashes out of my bong
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
