I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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