i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
