Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
