you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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