I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
