I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
