So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
