just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
