I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
