YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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