Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
