My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize