Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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