I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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