i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
