She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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