i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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