bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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