Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
