just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
