you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
jump out the window naked night went bad
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