Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
