Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
