we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
