Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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