Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
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WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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