I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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