Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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