is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
