she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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