I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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