That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
