Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
