i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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