Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wear drunk well.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
